Technology. In this age of microwave ovens, text messaging and Youtube we have become all too dependent on modern technology to do all of the things we are unable or too lazy to do.
Since the advent of the internet everything we could ever want or need is literally at our fingertips...some more literal than others. You can get an entire brake assembly for your Nissan Pathfinder online for a fraction of the actual store price. For those do-it-yourselfers out there this is awesome, but can we really depend on modern technological advances to take care of our naughty parts as well as our cars?
As the New York Minute grows shorter so do our patience for things. Today everything is measured in kilobits per second and download percentages like an illegal porn movie. Using that as the rubric for an acceptable waiting time then taking ten minutes to do anything seems like lifetime. No time to trim the proverbial hedges. But there are things that can't be rushed, like our hygiene for instance. There is nothing more important to our bodies than that. We run them through the gambit of day-to-day living it only seems right to "freshen them up" a little, right? Plus, how can we expect to take someone home with us smelling like a Turkish fish and chips bazaar? How good is the sexual experience supposed to be if we refuse to pay special attention to our most special areas?
Allow me a moment to return you to the proper perspective.
Men: There is more pressure on us to be impeccable when wooing the object of our loins. So with that in mind follow closely the procedures of manscaping. You know what I'm talking about. If you weren't there the day they were handing out the rules of Manhood then use your common sense; which goes wash, rinse, repeat. Scrub everything until it smells like nothing at all. Then apply deodorant and cologne. When it comes to hair manage it like a freedom garden. Take much care when doing some trimming around the holy rod and the two cardinals. Don't have a steady enough hand to pull of a procedure of this magnitude then take your Holy See to the professionals at your local rub-and-tug (Koreans can do anything). Put on clean clothes and shoes and you're set. Also, when exploring your partner's caves and crevasses prepare yourself properly...use Listerine, the yellow kind; The green and blue kinds feel too cold (or so I've been told).
Women: Again, the key to your general hygiene is common sense so I'll focus on the secret garden south of your Mason-Dixon line. They say that cutting down the rain forest is bad thing. The same goes for you. Men like to be reminded that they are performing cunnilingus on an adult woman. When it comes to the lotus batch clean it, but not too much. It tends to dry out faster. No guy wants to make sweet love to a sheet of 3M sandpaper or go down and manually water the garden every ten strokes. Too little and we can smell you from down the street. Treat it like a steak; we like hot, juicy, pink centers. Just run up to the waterfall, open up, swish around and air it out. You don't have to completely purify it in Lake Minatonka. Now venture about a half inch southward from the pu-denda and clean the rust off of the sheriff's badge. If we're going spelunking the least you can do is make sure bats don't fly out.
Yes, technology is a great help to us when getting where we need to go, but it is our sole responsibility to get there using the best means. And if that means spending a few extra minutes chasing rabbits out of the cabbage patch then so be it. Because when it comes down to it there are few things in this world more important than the sacred act of scraping barnacles from the anchor. Though the pace and the landscape may change we must always keep our wits about us. Remember to always keep a clear conscience when searching with your eye closed.
P.S. As a matter of carnal couth analingus is considered an extra. There is nothing mandatory about copper starfish duty. Remember penny poaching is a gift. Use it wisely.
Carry on my wayward sons.
AG
Monday, April 5, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
SOME VALENTINES' THOUGHTS
So, Valentines' Day is but days away. This Sunday to be exact, and I find myself a little unnerved. Plagued really by certain questions that have arisen from the combination of two sacred traditions. Now, I've witnessed many people proclaiming their "love" for Jesus, but how much do we really love Jesus? Or better yet, how do we define a love like that?
Do we "love" Jesus the same way we love our dog or is he right on par with our families or our significant others? For those of us who go through the motions of church worship, usually to make someone happy I suspect that you "love" Jesus about as much as those High-heel pumps you wore to church or your KIA Sorrento parked outside. In which case I won't appeal to you for an answer. But for those "hardcore Christians" who pass out church pamphlets to everyone at their job and who will tell you in a heartbeat that they "love" Jesus more than life itself, I direct these questions to you. As we all know Valentines' Day is the premier time for proclaiming our love to those whom we truly desire, right? So with that said If the love that you have for Jesus supercedes that of your significant other, does Jesus then become your "Valentine"? I mean, do you put "I Love You" cards and white roses in the collection basket instead of a 25$ check? Do you lick your lips sensually after that shot of "Jesus' Blood" imagining for the moment that it was the preamble to a "quiet evening" in a motel room with His Holiness? Should you get a "Holy Hard-on" when taking the "body of Jesus" into yours? Yes! How else should you celebrate a celebrity Valentine on Earth from on High?
If you don't plan on doing any of these things on Sunday don't you think you should. I mean the man died for your sins. The least you can do is put out. It takes little effort. All you have to say is, "I'm in love with you, Jesus." "I want you to annoint my head with your holy oil." "I am like a lamb and you are my shepherd, so herd me!"
...Well, maybe you don't have to say all of that but something to that affect.
In summary, wear that black push-up bra, hike up that skirt, and keep yourself wide open for some "Amazing Grace". And remember what happens between you and God stays between you and God...Now how sweet does that sound?
AG
(The New Damage)
Do we "love" Jesus the same way we love our dog or is he right on par with our families or our significant others? For those of us who go through the motions of church worship, usually to make someone happy I suspect that you "love" Jesus about as much as those High-heel pumps you wore to church or your KIA Sorrento parked outside. In which case I won't appeal to you for an answer. But for those "hardcore Christians" who pass out church pamphlets to everyone at their job and who will tell you in a heartbeat that they "love" Jesus more than life itself, I direct these questions to you. As we all know Valentines' Day is the premier time for proclaiming our love to those whom we truly desire, right? So with that said If the love that you have for Jesus supercedes that of your significant other, does Jesus then become your "Valentine"? I mean, do you put "I Love You" cards and white roses in the collection basket instead of a 25$ check? Do you lick your lips sensually after that shot of "Jesus' Blood" imagining for the moment that it was the preamble to a "quiet evening" in a motel room with His Holiness? Should you get a "Holy Hard-on" when taking the "body of Jesus" into yours? Yes! How else should you celebrate a celebrity Valentine on Earth from on High?
If you don't plan on doing any of these things on Sunday don't you think you should. I mean the man died for your sins. The least you can do is put out. It takes little effort. All you have to say is, "I'm in love with you, Jesus." "I want you to annoint my head with your holy oil." "I am like a lamb and you are my shepherd, so herd me!"
...Well, maybe you don't have to say all of that but something to that affect.
In summary, wear that black push-up bra, hike up that skirt, and keep yourself wide open for some "Amazing Grace". And remember what happens between you and God stays between you and God...Now how sweet does that sound?
AG
(The New Damage)
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
VIRUSES AND PEANUT BUTTER
HELP! THAT'S A TERM THAT EVERYONE IS FAMILIAR WITH, RIGHT? THOUGH WHEN WE'RE IN NEED WE TEND TO ASK ANYONE FOR HELP, BUT 9 TIMES OUT OF TEN IT IS ALWAYS OUR FRIENDS WHO INEVITABLY BAIL US OUT. AND WHAT DO WE DO TO SHOW OUR APPRECIATION? WELL, "NORMAL" PEOPLE GIVE A GIFT LIKE MONEY OR IF IT'S A GIRL THEN SOME WELL DESEVRED "RELATIONS" IS THE WAY TO GO. OTHERS GIVE A MILLION "THANK YOU'S". BUT WHAT ABOUT THE "ABNORMAL" PEOPLE? HOW DO THEY SHOW THEIR "APPRECIATION", IF ANY? WELL...THEY MIGHT GIVE YOU A SLICE OF CAKE INSTEAD OF GAS MONEY, DRY THEIR HANDS ON YOUR "DECORATIVE" TOWELS, OR TAKE THE SCREWS OUT OF YOUR STOOL...OR NOT. MAYBE THEY'LL DO SOMETHING ELSE LIKE GIVE YOUR COMPUTER A VIRUS...OR NOT. NOW THESE THINGS DO SOUND TERRIBLE (BECAUSE THEY ARE) BUT THEY ARE NOT DONE INTENTIONALLY. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE "NORMAL" AND "ABNORMAL" PEOPLE, THAT I'M DESCRIBING, IS A CONSCIENABLE AWARENESS. THIS MEANS THAT "ABNORMAL" PEOPLE CARE ONLY ABOUT THEMSELVES BECAUSE THEY ONLY RECOGNIZE THEMSELVES AND NO ONE ELSE; I.E. "THEY DON'T GIVE FIVE FUCKS ABOUT YOU"...IN RETOSPECT. MOST "NORMAL" PEOPLE AT LEAST ACKNOWLEDGE THE OFT QUOTED "GOLDEN RULE", BUT THE REST SEEM
TO DISREGARD IT ENTIRELY. THEY HAVE NO "ORDER OF IMPORTANCE" LIKE EVERYONE ELSE...IT'S JUST THE ONE THAT OCCUPIES THAT LIST...THEM. SO, FOR THOSE OF YOU READING THIS WHO ARE GUITY OF THIS ATROCITY, FOLLOW THESE RULES TO REMEDY THE SITUATION: RECALLING ON THE LAW OF RECIPROCATION, DO EQUALLY AS MUCH FOR SOMEONE AS THEY HAVE DONE FOR YOU. MEANING, IF SOMEONE BUYS YOU PIZZA THEN YOU WOULD BUY THEM PIZZA OR SOMETHING EQUIVALENT. IF YOU CAN'T BUY PIZZA THEN OFFER SOMETHING OF VALUE...LIKE AN OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE SOME MONEY, FOR EXAMPLE. BE MINDFUL OF OTHERS' PERSONAL SPACE AND PREFERENCES. IN OTHER WORDS, IF SOMEONE IS ADAMENT ABOUT CLEANLINESS...DON'T LEAVE CRUMBS ON THE COUNTER. IF ANYTHING HELP THEM CLEAN UP, OR AT LEAST KEEP YOUR SPACE CLEAN. BE COURTEOUS TOWARD THE PERSON WHO HELPED YOU, MAKING SURE THEY KNOW THAT YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THE FACT THAT THEY HELPED YOU...YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY
IT ALL THE TIME THOUGH, ONCE IS ENOUGH. REMEMBER, THESE PEOPLE ARE YOUR
FRIENDS AND CLOSEST ALLIES. THEY WILL HELP YOU BECAUSE THEY CARE ABOUT YOU AND THEY WANT TO SEE YOU SUCCEED JUST LIKE YOU WOULD WANT TO SEE THEM SUCCEED...BUT YOU HAVE TO "BE THERE" FOR THEM IN THE SAME WAY THAT THEY ARE THERE FOR YOU, E.G. RECIPROCATE!
THE END... @#*%$
TO DISREGARD IT ENTIRELY. THEY HAVE NO "ORDER OF IMPORTANCE" LIKE EVERYONE ELSE...IT'S JUST THE ONE THAT OCCUPIES THAT LIST...THEM. SO, FOR THOSE OF YOU READING THIS WHO ARE GUITY OF THIS ATROCITY, FOLLOW THESE RULES TO REMEDY THE SITUATION: RECALLING ON THE LAW OF RECIPROCATION, DO EQUALLY AS MUCH FOR SOMEONE AS THEY HAVE DONE FOR YOU. MEANING, IF SOMEONE BUYS YOU PIZZA THEN YOU WOULD BUY THEM PIZZA OR SOMETHING EQUIVALENT. IF YOU CAN'T BUY PIZZA THEN OFFER SOMETHING OF VALUE...LIKE AN OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE SOME MONEY, FOR EXAMPLE. BE MINDFUL OF OTHERS' PERSONAL SPACE AND PREFERENCES. IN OTHER WORDS, IF SOMEONE IS ADAMENT ABOUT CLEANLINESS...DON'T LEAVE CRUMBS ON THE COUNTER. IF ANYTHING HELP THEM CLEAN UP, OR AT LEAST KEEP YOUR SPACE CLEAN. BE COURTEOUS TOWARD THE PERSON WHO HELPED YOU, MAKING SURE THEY KNOW THAT YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THE FACT THAT THEY HELPED YOU...YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY
IT ALL THE TIME THOUGH, ONCE IS ENOUGH. REMEMBER, THESE PEOPLE ARE YOUR
FRIENDS AND CLOSEST ALLIES. THEY WILL HELP YOU BECAUSE THEY CARE ABOUT YOU AND THEY WANT TO SEE YOU SUCCEED JUST LIKE YOU WOULD WANT TO SEE THEM SUCCEED...BUT YOU HAVE TO "BE THERE" FOR THEM IN THE SAME WAY THAT THEY ARE THERE FOR YOU, E.G. RECIPROCATE!
THE END... @#*%$
AG-THE FUNKYBLOGGER SPEAKS TO YOU....
Monday, January 26, 2009
ALL GREAT THINGS MUST COME TO A BEGINNING
http://www,youtube.com/ablackmansview
WELL, WE'VE REACHED THE END OF A GREAT SEASON OF A TRULY FANTASTIC SHOW. WE'VE TALKED ABOUT EVEYTHING FROM THE ELECTION TO THE MADOFF PONSEY SCHEME TO THE INAUGURATION AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN, WITH THE MORAL OF EVERY SEGMENT AND EVERY BLOG BEING "TAKE WISDOM THAT YOU CAN USE AND USE IT!...AND THEN LAUGH YOUR ASS OFF!" WE HOPE THAT ALL OF YOU HAD AS MUCH FUN WATCHING US AS WE HAD DOING THE SHOW. SO REMEMBER, THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING. KEEP YOUR EYES GLUED TO THE SCREEN AND YOUR EARS TO THE GROUND BECAUSE WE'LL BE BACK BEFORE YOU KNOW IT...BUT FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG, YOU'LL STILL CATCH ME WRITING FOR YOU.
WE WISH YOU ALL PEACE, LOVE AND PROSPERITY...
AG-THE FUNKY BLOGGER AND FRIENDS
P.S. HIT US ON THE EMAIL AT ablackmansview@gmail.com OR ME AT agthefunkyblogger@gmail.com. ALSO, SHOUT OUT TO SWeT MAGAZINE(www.swetmagazine.com), SWeT RADIO AT www.blogtalkradio.com/swet-radio, AND ETG: ELITE TRAINING GROUP.
WELL, WE'VE REACHED THE END OF A GREAT SEASON OF A TRULY FANTASTIC SHOW. WE'VE TALKED ABOUT EVEYTHING FROM THE ELECTION TO THE MADOFF PONSEY SCHEME TO THE INAUGURATION AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN, WITH THE MORAL OF EVERY SEGMENT AND EVERY BLOG BEING "TAKE WISDOM THAT YOU CAN USE AND USE IT!...AND THEN LAUGH YOUR ASS OFF!" WE HOPE THAT ALL OF YOU HAD AS MUCH FUN WATCHING US AS WE HAD DOING THE SHOW. SO REMEMBER, THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING. KEEP YOUR EYES GLUED TO THE SCREEN AND YOUR EARS TO THE GROUND BECAUSE WE'LL BE BACK BEFORE YOU KNOW IT...BUT FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG, YOU'LL STILL CATCH ME WRITING FOR YOU.
WE WISH YOU ALL PEACE, LOVE AND PROSPERITY...
AG-THE FUNKY BLOGGER AND FRIENDS
P.S. HIT US ON THE EMAIL AT ablackmansview@gmail.com OR ME AT agthefunkyblogger@gmail.com. ALSO, SHOUT OUT TO SWeT MAGAZINE(www.swetmagazine.com), SWeT RADIO AT www.blogtalkradio.com/swet-radio, AND ETG: ELITE TRAINING GROUP.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
A TALE OF THREE KINGS
http://www.youtube.com/ablackmansview
LONG, LONG AGO THERE WAS A RACE OF BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE WHO WERE BROUGHT TO AMERICA ON BOATS TO TILL THE SOIL AND WORK THE LAND FOR THEIR CAPTORS. THEY WERE AFRICAN SLAVES WHO WERE ONCE FEARED, LOVED AND RESPECTED UNTIL THE DAY WHEN THEY BECAME MUCH LESS THAN WHAT THEY TRULY WERE. FOUR HUNDRED YEARS THEY TOILED FOR THEIR MASTERS ONLY TO RECEIVE THE POOREST STANDARDS OF SO CALLED LIVING. IT HAS BEEN SAID THAT THESE PEOPLE SPAWNED THE GREATEST WARRIORS THE WORLD HAD EVER KNOWN AND DURING THEIR REVOLUTION THEY PROVED THEIR ANCESTRY. FROM THE SLAVE STATES IN AMERICA TO THE TOBACCO FIELDS IN THE WEST INDIES THE SO CALLED MASTERS FELT THE WRATH OF AN ENTIRE CONTINENT OF FEARLESS SOULS. THE BATTLES LASTED MERE WEEKS, IN THEMSELVES GIVING THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY HAVE BEEN DENIED FOR SO LONG, WHAT THEY GAVE THEIR LIVES FOR...FREEDOM. BUT LITTLE DID THEY KNOW THAT THE BLOOD PRICE FOR TRUE FREEDOM WOULD BE MORE THAN THEY HAD EVER EXPECTED. JUST AFTER THE ABOLITION OF SLAVERY CAME THE BIRTH OF SEGREGATION BARRING THE AFRICAN "NEGROES", AS THEY WERE CALLED, FROM LEADING WHAT WOULD HAVE THOUGHT TO BE EVEN RESEMBLING A NORMAL LIFE. "WHITE ONLY" GROCERY STORES, "COLORED" BATHROOMS, "NO NEGROES ALLOWED", ETC., WERE JUST SOME OF THE TERRIBLE PREJUDICES EXPERIENCED BY OUR HEROES. TO EARN A LIVING WAS TO BECOME A SLAVE BY CHOICE. AS SOME DID TO FEED THEIR FAMILIES OTHERS FOUGHT FOR ACCEPTANCE IN THE NEW SOCIETY WHOSE "WELCOME BASKET" WAS FILL WITH THICK BRAIDED ROPE, WHITE HOODS AND A GUN. THOSE THAT LED PERSONAL UPRISINGS LOST THEIR LIVES IN THE STRUGGLE. UNTIL THE ONE THAT CAME WHO WOULD SHOW THEM THE WAY TO FIGHT TO BE TRULY FREE. HIS NAME WAS DOC HOLIDAY. HE SAW THAT HIS PEOPLE, ALONG WITH MANY OTHERS, WERE IN GREAT NEED SO HE MADE IT HIS MISSION TO "LEAD THEM TO THE PROMISED LAND"...A MISSION THAT WOULD COST HIM HIS LIFE. A PRICE HE WAS GLAD TO PAY. LIKE THE WESTERN CHARACTER PERSONIFIED HE BECAME THE DRIVING FORCE OF THE CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT. HE UTLILIZED NON-VIOLENT WARFARE AND PASSIVE-AGGRESSION TO WIN BATTLES AND ULTIMATELY "THE WAR", ALONG WITH PROFESSOR X, SIR NEWTON AND MR. SEALE. BOYCOTT AFTER MARCH AFTER RALLY BROUGHT REVOLUTION CLOSER TO REALIZING ITS LEADER'S DREAM UNTIL ONE NIGHT DOC HOLIDAY FELL TO THE COWARDICE OF THE IGNORANT. HE DIED THAT NIGHT ON THAT BALCONY AS A KING WHO HAD GIVEN HIS LIFE FOR THE FUTURE OF HIS PEOPLE. HE GAVE THEM HOPE AND A DREAM. A DREAM THAT ONE AMONG THEM WOULD CARRY ON. A LITTLE BOY WHO TAKE IT ALL THE WAY TO THE HIGHEST OFFICE IN THE LAND...BUT NOT BEFORE THE ONE WHO WOULD BRING IT TO THE PEOPLE'S EARS. SOME YEARS AFTER THE DEATH OF THE KING THE BIRTH OF ANOTHER TOOK PLACE IN A LITTLE TOWN CALLED BROOKLYN. GROWING UP HE WAS THE PRIZE OF HIS NEIGHBORHOOD. USING HIS LYRICAL TALENTS TO SEND A MESSAGE TO THE PEOPLE ABOUT THE STATE OF HIS PEOPLE AT THAT TIME AND WHAT THEY WERE DOING TO GET BY. HE TOLD OF A NEW STRUGGLE HIS PEOPLE WERE FACING...THE BATTLE WITH POVERTY. HIS MUSIC HAD AN IMMEDIATE EFFECT ON THE PEOPLE. HE BECAME THE KING OF RAP. THE FAME OF HIS ARTISRTY BECAME THE CORNERSTONE OF RAP. AND AS SUCH ALL PEOPLE INFLUENCE BY HIM TRIED TO IMMULATE IT. LIKE THE GREAT KING BEFORE HIM BIG GAVE HIS LIFE TO THE BULLET TO PRESERVED HIS LEGACY AND CONTINUE THE TRADITION OF HIS PEOPLE'S MUSIC-POETRY. TOO MANY OF THE PEOPLE'S LEADER'S HAVE DIED FROM IGNORANCE. THE BLOOD LOST EQUALS THE AMOUNT OF TEARS SHED. THE ONE HAS SEEN IT ALL. THE LITTLE BOY WHO WITNESSED THE DEATH OF A KING AND A TITAN HAS RISEN TO CARRY ON THE NAMES OF THOSE WHO HAVE DIED VALIENTLY IN THE NAME OF PEACE AND EQUALITY. HE IS THE NEW STANDARD OF EXCELLENC FOR THE PEOPLE. A NEW SYMBOL OF FREEDOM. HE IS THE FIRST OF THEM TO BE GRANTED THE COVETED PRESIDENCY, AND HOPEFULLY NOT THE LAST. THE NEWLY CROWN BARACK OBAMA WILL USHER IN A NEW ERA OF PEACE AND HARMONY IN THE LAND AND RESTORE THE PEOPLE TO THEIR RIGHTFUL PLACE.
THE...END?
AG-THE FUNKY BLOGGER
LONG, LONG AGO THERE WAS A RACE OF BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE WHO WERE BROUGHT TO AMERICA ON BOATS TO TILL THE SOIL AND WORK THE LAND FOR THEIR CAPTORS. THEY WERE AFRICAN SLAVES WHO WERE ONCE FEARED, LOVED AND RESPECTED UNTIL THE DAY WHEN THEY BECAME MUCH LESS THAN WHAT THEY TRULY WERE. FOUR HUNDRED YEARS THEY TOILED FOR THEIR MASTERS ONLY TO RECEIVE THE POOREST STANDARDS OF SO CALLED LIVING. IT HAS BEEN SAID THAT THESE PEOPLE SPAWNED THE GREATEST WARRIORS THE WORLD HAD EVER KNOWN AND DURING THEIR REVOLUTION THEY PROVED THEIR ANCESTRY. FROM THE SLAVE STATES IN AMERICA TO THE TOBACCO FIELDS IN THE WEST INDIES THE SO CALLED MASTERS FELT THE WRATH OF AN ENTIRE CONTINENT OF FEARLESS SOULS. THE BATTLES LASTED MERE WEEKS, IN THEMSELVES GIVING THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY HAVE BEEN DENIED FOR SO LONG, WHAT THEY GAVE THEIR LIVES FOR...FREEDOM. BUT LITTLE DID THEY KNOW THAT THE BLOOD PRICE FOR TRUE FREEDOM WOULD BE MORE THAN THEY HAD EVER EXPECTED. JUST AFTER THE ABOLITION OF SLAVERY CAME THE BIRTH OF SEGREGATION BARRING THE AFRICAN "NEGROES", AS THEY WERE CALLED, FROM LEADING WHAT WOULD HAVE THOUGHT TO BE EVEN RESEMBLING A NORMAL LIFE. "WHITE ONLY" GROCERY STORES, "COLORED" BATHROOMS, "NO NEGROES ALLOWED", ETC., WERE JUST SOME OF THE TERRIBLE PREJUDICES EXPERIENCED BY OUR HEROES. TO EARN A LIVING WAS TO BECOME A SLAVE BY CHOICE. AS SOME DID TO FEED THEIR FAMILIES OTHERS FOUGHT FOR ACCEPTANCE IN THE NEW SOCIETY WHOSE "WELCOME BASKET" WAS FILL WITH THICK BRAIDED ROPE, WHITE HOODS AND A GUN. THOSE THAT LED PERSONAL UPRISINGS LOST THEIR LIVES IN THE STRUGGLE. UNTIL THE ONE THAT CAME WHO WOULD SHOW THEM THE WAY TO FIGHT TO BE TRULY FREE. HIS NAME WAS DOC HOLIDAY. HE SAW THAT HIS PEOPLE, ALONG WITH MANY OTHERS, WERE IN GREAT NEED SO HE MADE IT HIS MISSION TO "LEAD THEM TO THE PROMISED LAND"...A MISSION THAT WOULD COST HIM HIS LIFE. A PRICE HE WAS GLAD TO PAY. LIKE THE WESTERN CHARACTER PERSONIFIED HE BECAME THE DRIVING FORCE OF THE CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT. HE UTLILIZED NON-VIOLENT WARFARE AND PASSIVE-AGGRESSION TO WIN BATTLES AND ULTIMATELY "THE WAR", ALONG WITH PROFESSOR X, SIR NEWTON AND MR. SEALE. BOYCOTT AFTER MARCH AFTER RALLY BROUGHT REVOLUTION CLOSER TO REALIZING ITS LEADER'S DREAM UNTIL ONE NIGHT DOC HOLIDAY FELL TO THE COWARDICE OF THE IGNORANT. HE DIED THAT NIGHT ON THAT BALCONY AS A KING WHO HAD GIVEN HIS LIFE FOR THE FUTURE OF HIS PEOPLE. HE GAVE THEM HOPE AND A DREAM. A DREAM THAT ONE AMONG THEM WOULD CARRY ON. A LITTLE BOY WHO TAKE IT ALL THE WAY TO THE HIGHEST OFFICE IN THE LAND...BUT NOT BEFORE THE ONE WHO WOULD BRING IT TO THE PEOPLE'S EARS. SOME YEARS AFTER THE DEATH OF THE KING THE BIRTH OF ANOTHER TOOK PLACE IN A LITTLE TOWN CALLED BROOKLYN. GROWING UP HE WAS THE PRIZE OF HIS NEIGHBORHOOD. USING HIS LYRICAL TALENTS TO SEND A MESSAGE TO THE PEOPLE ABOUT THE STATE OF HIS PEOPLE AT THAT TIME AND WHAT THEY WERE DOING TO GET BY. HE TOLD OF A NEW STRUGGLE HIS PEOPLE WERE FACING...THE BATTLE WITH POVERTY. HIS MUSIC HAD AN IMMEDIATE EFFECT ON THE PEOPLE. HE BECAME THE KING OF RAP. THE FAME OF HIS ARTISRTY BECAME THE CORNERSTONE OF RAP. AND AS SUCH ALL PEOPLE INFLUENCE BY HIM TRIED TO IMMULATE IT. LIKE THE GREAT KING BEFORE HIM BIG GAVE HIS LIFE TO THE BULLET TO PRESERVED HIS LEGACY AND CONTINUE THE TRADITION OF HIS PEOPLE'S MUSIC-POETRY. TOO MANY OF THE PEOPLE'S LEADER'S HAVE DIED FROM IGNORANCE. THE BLOOD LOST EQUALS THE AMOUNT OF TEARS SHED. THE ONE HAS SEEN IT ALL. THE LITTLE BOY WHO WITNESSED THE DEATH OF A KING AND A TITAN HAS RISEN TO CARRY ON THE NAMES OF THOSE WHO HAVE DIED VALIENTLY IN THE NAME OF PEACE AND EQUALITY. HE IS THE NEW STANDARD OF EXCELLENC FOR THE PEOPLE. A NEW SYMBOL OF FREEDOM. HE IS THE FIRST OF THEM TO BE GRANTED THE COVETED PRESIDENCY, AND HOPEFULLY NOT THE LAST. THE NEWLY CROWN BARACK OBAMA WILL USHER IN A NEW ERA OF PEACE AND HARMONY IN THE LAND AND RESTORE THE PEOPLE TO THEIR RIGHTFUL PLACE.
THE...END?
AG-THE FUNKY BLOGGER
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
THE VICIOUS AND THE HIPHOP LEGACY

THE EXPRESSION AND RECITATION OF A SET OF MATHEMATICAL ALGORYTHMS TRANSMITTED FROM AIR PARTICLE TO AIR PARTICLE THROUGH AN OXYGENATED MEDIUM...SIMPLY PUT, MUSIC. THE ONLY THING IN THIS WORLD THAT IS MATHEMATICALLY, SCIENTIFICALLY, AND LOGICALLY SOUND (NO PUN INTENDED) WHILE EVOKING POWERFUL EMOTIONS EXPRESSED BY BEAUTY AND CREATIVENESS. RELEVANT AS IT IS ANCIENT, MUSIC HAS PLAYED (SERIOUSLY, NO PUN INTENDED) A MAJOR ROLE IN THE DEVELOPMENT OF WORLD CULTURE, THE ARTS, SCIENCES, MATHEMATICS AND RELIGION AS WELL AS LANGUAGE AND NON-VERBAL EXPRESSION. SO, IT'S SAFE TO SAY THAT MUSIC IS NOT ONLY THE PRODUCT OF HUMAN EMOTION AND INTERACTION BUT THE BASIS ALSO. THROUGHOUT THE AGES MUSIC HAS GONE THROUGH METAMORPHASIS' AND CHANGES. CONSTANTLY EVOLVING DUE TO OUR OWN EVOLUTION. BECAUSE MOST OF THE ANCIENT GENRES ARE RARELY HEARD, CONTEMPORARY OR MODERN MUSIC HAS GIVEN WAY TO GENRES SUCH AS CLASSICAL, JAZZ, BLUES, ROCK AND...ONE OF MY FAVORITES HIPHOP. HIPHOP CONSISTS OF RHYMING VOCAL RYTHMS WITH MUSICAL ENSEMBLES. THINK OF POETRY SET TO MUSIC. THIS STYLE OF MUSIC EVOVLED FROM BEBOP WHICH WAS POPULAR DURING THE 1940'S AND 50'S, REPECTIVELY. HIPHOP'S MISSION WAS TO EXPRESS THE HARSH REALITIES OF GROWING UP IN IMPOVERISHED AREAS, AND DURING THE 1960'S, RESPECTIVELY, IT WAS USED TO GREAT EFFECT ALLOWING IT TO DEVELOP INTO WHAT IT IS TODAY. IN THE BEGINNING THERE WAS STRICT ACCENTUATION PLACED ON THE RHYME WHERE IT MATCHED UP WITH THE "BEAT". USING A SIMPLE REPEATING 4/4 TIME SIGNED BEAT AN ARTIST WAS ABLE TO SHOW HIS ANGST THROUGH RHYME AND RYTHM WHILE CAPTURING THE ATTENTION OF THE LISTENER. WHETHER IT WAS A REGULAR PERSON, A FRIEND OR A CITY OFFICIAL "THE MESSAGE" (GREAT SONG) WAS RECIEVED. FROM ABOUT 1987 TO 1997, RESPECTIVELY, WAS KNOWN AS THE "GOLDEN AGE OF HIPHOP" WHERE PREVIOUS IDEALS AND METHODS WERE IMPROVED UPON YIELDING TRULY THOUGHT-PROVOKING LYRICS OVER REMARKABLY UNFORGETTABLE BEATS. PETE ROCK & CL SMOOTH, THE JUICE CREW, THE GET FRESH CREW, GANGSTARR, NICE & SMOOTH, EPMD, DE LA SOUL AND MANY OTHERS BROUGHT THE BEST PARTS OF THEMSELVES AND INNOVATIONS TO THE RECIPE, BUT THERE WAS ONE WHO WOULD CHANGE THE FACE OF HIPHOP FOREVER. THE YOUNG AND AMBITIOUS CHRISTOPHER WALLACE WAS A BROOKLYN NATIVE WHOSE DREAMS OF BECOMING THE BEST CAME TRUE...BUT WITH A PRICE. THE SECRET TO THE SUCCESS OF THE NOTORIOUS BIG, AS HE WAS CALLED, WAS HIS ABILITY TO USE VINTAGE HIPHOP LYRICAL METHODS AND USE THEM IN DIFFERENT CONTEXTS. VARYING THE PRONUNCIATION OF CERTAIN WORDS AND STRETCHING THEM OUT TO CREATE THE "BOMBASTIC EFFECT" WAS HIS "WEAPON OF CHOICE". SHORTLY AFTER GAINING WORLDWIDE POPULARITY IN THE LATE 1990'S BIGGIE SMALL WAS SHOT IN HIS TRUCK WHILE LEAVING A VIBE MAGAZINE PARTY IN CALIFORNIA. IN THE YEARS SINCE THAT TRADGIC DAY, MARCH 9 1997 UP-AND-COMING RAP ARTISTS HAVE EMULATED THE LATE NOTORIOUS BIG'S STYLE AND STAGE PRESENCE.
WITH HIS BIOPIC COMING TO THE SILVER SCREEN ON FRIDAY, JANUARY 16, AND WITH THE INAUGURATION OF THE FIRST BLACK AMERICAN PRESIDENT HAPPENNING JANUARY 20, I CAN'T HELP BUT BE PROUD AND GRATEFUL TO HAVE SEEN TWO MONUMENTAL EVENTS HAPPEN IN MY LIFETIME.
WELL IT'S LIKE HE SAID...IT'S ALL GOOD BABY BAABAAY...UH!
SO AS I CELEBRATE, I TOAST TO MUSIC...TO HIPHOP...TO THE FUTURE...
R.I.P. TO THE LATE, GREAT NOTORIOUS BIG...TRULY UNBELIEVABLE.
AG-THE FUNKY BLOGGER
A STORY OF IGNORANCE
WWW.YOUTUBE.COM/ABLACKMANSVIEW
LONG, LONG AGO IN A COUNTRY FAR, FAR AWAY THERE LIVED A STIGMA. A SITUATION REALLY THAT EXISTED SINCE THE TIME OF COLUMBUS. A RACE OF BEAUTY WHOSE FATE BECAME TWISTED AS THE SHACKLES OF THEIR ORIENTATION FORCED THEM WESTWARD. RIPPED AWAY FROM THEIR HOMES. FROM THEIR FAMILIES...FROM THEIR LIVES TO LIVE MUCH LESS THAN WHAT THEY TRULY ARE. LESS THAN HUMAN...AS SLAVES IN THE SERVICE EUROPE. BUT THIS STORY ISN'T NECESSARILY ABOUT THE OPALS WHO BUILT THE STATES AS IT IS THEIR DESCENDANTS WHO ARE NOW LEADING THE PEOPLE TOWARDS THEIR DESTINY. FROM THE MANY HUNDREDS OF YEARS SINCE THEIR FIRST FOOTPRINT ON THIS NEW LAND HAS BEEN RIFE WITH TORTURE, TERROR, SCANDAL AND MISFORTUNE UNTIL THE ONE DAY WHEN REVOLUTION HAPPENED. FROM THE COTTON FIELDS OF ALABAMA TO THE TOBACCO FARMS OF THE CARIBBEAN, THE SO-CALLED MASTERS FELT THE WRATH OF THOUSANDS OF YEARS OF SKILLED WARRIORS WHICH FORCED THEM TO BRING ABOUT AN END THE THIS DYNASTY OF OPPRESSION...GIVING BLOOD TO RECIEVE THE GIFT OF FREEDOM. BUT BEING ABLE TO SPEND SUCH A GIFT WOULD BE ANOTHER WAR IN ITSELF...DEMANDING MUCH MORE TIME, ENERGY AND BLOOD. THE NEXT HUNDRED YEARS SAW NOT ONLY THE KILLING OF THE INNOCENT BUT THE ATTEMPTED MUTILATION OF THE SPIRIT. ENTRAPMENT OF THE MIND IS NOTHING COMPARED TO THE CAPTURING OF THE MIND. SEGREGATION WAS THE SUPPOSED MEANS TO THAT END, BUT IT WAS SHORT LIVED. IT WENT TOE TO TOE WITH THE CHAMPIONS OF THE PEOPLE AND SUFFERED GREAT LOSS. THE BREAKING SOUND OF SEGREGATION BROUGHT HAPPINESS TO THE PEOPLE. AND THOUGH THEY STOOD IMPOVERISHED BY ITS WAYS, THERE STANDING AMONG THEM WAS A BOY WHO WOULD RISE AND BECOME THEIR BEACON OF HOPE. HE IS NOW THE MARK TO WHICH THE YOUTH OF THE PEOPLE WILL ASPIRE TO, IF NOT SURPASS. AND AS HE STANDS ON THAT DAY UNDER THE FLAG WHOSE MEANING HAS BEEN REVISED, NEXT TO THE PRIDE OF AN ENTIRE NATION, THERE WILL BE THOSE AMONG THEM WHO VIEW THE CONFIRMATION OF HIS SUCCESS AS SIMPLY..............CONSEGRATION.......?!
MORAL OF THE STORY: THE HISTORY OF OUR PEOPLE IS VAST AND PROUD, EVEN IN THE TIMES OF SHAME. OUR ROOTS STEM NOT FROM OUR PLACE BUT OUR STRENGTH, OUR HONOR, OUR INTEGRITY, OUR PRIDE AND MOST IMPORTANTLY OUR VIRTUES AND KNOWLEDGE. THE HISTORY OF OUR JOURNEY THROUGH THIS LAND PROVES THAT. WE ARE THE DESCENDANTS OF THOSE WHO CREATED AND BUILT THE STANDARDS FOR SOCIETY, ACEDEMIA, AND SPIRITUALITY. THE COUNTLESS WONDERS OF OUR HOMELAND PROVE THAT AS WELL. REGARDLESS OF STATION OR SOCIAL CASTE THERIS NO REASON FOR OUR IGNORANCE. WE HAVE AN OBLIGATION TO OUR ANCESTORS TO CARRY ON THEIR TRADITIONS OF SCIENCE, MATH, RELIGION, PEACE, ETC.
...AFTERALL, IT IS OUR DESTINY...
AG-THE FUNKY BLOGGER
P.S. WEBSTER'S ONLINE DICTIONARY DEFINES "CONSEGRATION" AS "THIS WORD DOES NOT EXIST". IT'S "INAUGURATION"!!! HAIL TO THE CHIEF...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)